Hiatus
I had a visit from the police a few weeks after Souren's arrest and
detention. It was not good news. In fact it was bloody awful news -
someone had decided that she merely had "A personality disorder"
and she was duly released. I'm not entirely sure who was more disappointed
- me or the coppers...who expressed their 'shocked surprise' at the
outcome.
I don't know what happened upon her release - or, more precisely, what
was said to her. I suspect it must have been something pretty serious
because the emails ceased - and the pattern of her social media rants
changed in that she stopped referring to me by name or in any other
way that might identify me:
It was also around this time (2011/2012) that other 'characters' appeared in her rants. A variety of names popped up, but the theme was essentially the same - they were all out to get her. I suppose it might have been possible that these people actually existed but given her previous record it seems rather more likely that they were yet more figments of her imagination. But either way I was very grateful that her attention appeared to be focussed elsewhere.
A few years passed. I felt I was able to breathe freely again. Friends and colleagues sent occasional snippets over, but they were all much the same as those above and of no real consequence to me. Alas, it was not to last because on the 10th of January 2017 this email turned up out of the blue:
I immediately forwarded it to the police who advised me that they'd
contacted her and warned her off. I think it must have been around this
time that the police came to see me about this matter. It seems that
they'd had a report from Souren and were duly following it up. I explained
the situation to them and after we'd all rolled our eyes a good few
times they went on their merry way. Peace and quiet returned - until
late August when this utterly bizarre epic tome turned up on my website
error logs.
I've had countless hundreds of these 'messages' over the years - but
I think this little lot will give you at least a flavour of both the
type of content and the scale of it all. From in amongst the rambling
I was able to figure out that she was in Holland - at a camp site -
and, apparently, quite drunk again...over several days it seems:
[Thu Aug 31 19:20:19 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.113]ifyoushowedstuffonbusscreensorrynotlegiblethanksbye
[Thu Aug 31 21:54:24 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.219]but-lookforward
[Thu Aug 31 21:56:40 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.219]smile-sorrysorrysorry
[Thu Aug 31 22:01:24 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.35]mobilesundertableimisunderstoodsorrysorry
[Fri Sep 01 07:25:02 2017] [error] [client 82.132.221.216]ehm-imayneedtoreturnactually
[Fri Sep 01 07:29:40 2017] [error] [client 82.132.219.2]maybemyproblemisnotfinishingsproperly
[Fri Sep 01 07:34:09 2017] [error] [client 82.132.219.2]iactedstupidmaybeishouldhavetakenaweekawayorsomethingwillemailassoonasican-
ok
[Fri Sep 01 07:35:58 2017] [error] [client 82.132.219.2]ineedtofiguresomethingout
[Fri Sep 01 07:38:19 2017] [error] [client 82.132.219.2]thebioethicspartlytoo-needtofigurethisout
[Fri Sep 01 07:39:42 2017] [error] [client 82.132.219.2]leavingthingsunfinished
[Fri Sep 01 07:41:42 2017] [error] [client 82.132.219.2] youokay
[Fri Sep 01 07:44:50 2017] [error] [client 82.132.219.2] theflattoo
[Fri Sep 01 07:45:43 2017] [error] [client 82.132.219.2]theflattoo-responsibility
[Fri Sep 01 07:51:07 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.124]leavingthingsunfinished
[Fri Sep 01 12:19:20 2017] [error] [client 82.132.221.244]amatcampsiteandneedtonap-leavingjustfelttotallywrong-confused
[Fri Sep 01 12:20:46 2017] [error] [client 82.132.221.244]andhollandissomuchconcrete
[Fri Sep 01 12:24:40 2017] [error] [client 82.132.221.244] whatdoyouwant
[Fri Sep 01 12:27:28 2017] [error] [client 82.132.221.244]iguessiheardyourkids-ithoughtiwasnuts
[Fri Sep 01 12:30:40 2017] [error] [client 82.132.221.244]idontknowwhattodobut-napfirst
[Fri Sep 01 12:32:35 2017] [error] [client 82.132.221.244]mixcrossedmymind-butnapfirst
[Fri Sep 01 12:35:34 2017] [error] [client 82.132.221.244]btwicantchargethisphonenotnow
[Fri Sep 01 12:40:02 2017] [error] [client 82.132.221.244]andyescharlesrescuesetc
[Fri Sep 01 12:42:31 2017] [error] [client 82.132.221.244] weneedtotalk
[Fri Sep 01 12:48:23 2017] [error] [client 82.132.221.244]mixcrossedmymind-butnapfirst
[Fri Sep 01 13:00:29 2017] [error] [client 82.132.223.58] niceintent
[Fri Sep 01 13:01:11 2017] [error] [client 82.132.223.58] niceintentbtw
[Fri Sep 01 13:28:21 2017] [error] [client 82.132.223.58]noamnotconfused-situationisodd
[Fri Sep 01 17:37:33 2017] [error] [client 169.50.62.91] typo3
[Fri Sep 01 17:40:53 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.239]mobilerecharged
[Fri Sep 01 19:16:14 2017] [error] [client 82.132.212.169]ismyflatstillavailabletome-askingpracticalfirst
[Fri Sep 01 19:27:38 2017] [error] [client 82.132.212.169]btwhavethermalblankets-campsiteinsmallwood-jazztriothiseve
[Fri Sep 01 19:43:27 2017] [error] [client 82.132.235.212]ifnotthenoneweekpermonthukmaybe-mix
[Fri Sep 01 19:49:00 2017] [error] [client 82.132.235.212]londontooexpensive
[Fri Sep 01 19:51:17 2017] [error] [client 82.132.235.212]willfiguresomethingout
[Fri Sep 01 19:52:19 2017] [error] [client 82.132.235.212] gnight
[Fri Sep 01 19:52:36 2017] [error] [client 82.132.235.212]ifnotthenoneweekpermonthukmaybe-mix
[Fri Sep 01 21:09:52 2017] [error] [client 82.132.222.188]plsletmeknowaboutflatplease
[Sat Sep 02 01:24:35 2017] [error] [client 82.132.238.23]listenithinkihavetocomereturn
[Sat Sep 02 01:26:14 2017] [error] [client 82.132.238.23]listenithinkihavetoreturn
[Sat Sep 02 01:28:40 2017] [error] [client 82.132.238.23]tostopthecycleofabuse-
[Sat Sep 02 01:30:13 2017] [error] [client 82.132.238.23] askctocallme
[Sat Sep 02 01:36:56 2017] [error] [client 82.132.235.113]ididntpaymuchattentiontothetwoonthebusbtw
[Sat Sep 02 05:14:46 2017] [error] [client 82.132.241.196]oktheniamgone-unlessccallsandsaysdifferent-butthenicannolongerbemumcoziamno
wvictimtooandicannotallowthattocontinue
[Sat Sep 02 05:19:21 2017] [error] [client 82.132.234.153]itwouldbegoodtostopthatcyclethough-andiwanttohelp
[Sat Sep 02 05:20:58 2017] [error] [client 82.132.234.153]itwouldbegoodtostopthatcyclethough-andiwanttohelp-ifyouthhinkican
[Sat Sep 02 05:27:50 2017] [error] [client 82.132.234.153]cozidontknowennughittoprotectme-andwilltaketolongbeforeicanbemumagainithink
[Sat Sep 02 06:53:57 2017] [error] [client 82.132.186.80]wowbirdjustflewintomyclosedtent-tentwaytoosmalltoliveinandwasreallyreallyco
ldlastnight
[Sat Sep 02 07:18:39 2017] [error] [client 82.132.186.80]wasforagingbirdsnotworriedwhenopenedtentandcameveryclose
[Sat Sep 02 07:21:41 2017] [error] [client 82.132.186.80]and-committosuckerwhilesuckerremainsfree-youmeanquestionmark
[Sat Sep 02 07:24:24 2017] [error] [client 82.132.186.80]maybemypurposeinlifeistounderstandandsupportyou-heck
[Sat Sep 02 07:28:55 2017] [error] [client 82.132.186.80] canwepleasetalk
[Sat Sep 02 07:34:06 2017] [error] [client 82.132.186.80]needtogobuysleepingbagtoday-otherbirdjustflewbytouchfropelolclearlyveryrela
xed
[Sat Sep 02 12:44:44 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.80]howdidyoudothat-ok
[Sat Sep 02 12:49:06 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.80]demonstrationgoingon-noideawhatabout-haveheardthingsaboutcitybutidontseethe
m
[Sat Sep 02 14:35:05 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.88]sorry-youhavehadenough-ofcourse-sorry
[Sat Sep 02 14:46:27 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.239]toomanymisunderstandings
[Sat Sep 02 14:47:29 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.239] sorry
[Sat Sep 02 14:53:55 2017] [error] [client 82.132.227.41]ifthetwoonthebushadsomekindofmessageformethenididntgetit
[Sat Sep 02 14:56:47 2017] [error] [client 82.132.227.41]theysaidsomethingaboutkmwingwithintenminutesatsomepointandtheniwondered
[Sat Sep 02 14:58:42 2017] [error] [client 82.132.227.41]sorryiwillshutupnowtakecare
[Sat Sep 02 15:37:41 2017] [error] [client 82.132.242.111]iwillsetsomethingupfortheyoungbutmaytakemeawhile-iwillletklingsknow
[Sat Sep 02 16:00:18 2017] [error] [client 82.132.241.229]whatisinbristolbtw
[Sat Sep 02 16:14:49 2017] [error] [client 82.132.212.54]yesyouhavelotsofanger-likemydadsorta
[Sat Sep 02 17:39:39 2017] [error] [client 82.132.212.146]yesmanypplinbritainrelaxedtoobutnotmanyinpouthandsoton
[Sat Sep 02 17:42:54 2017] [error] [client 82.132.212.146]andheretheynowstopatzebras-didntusedtobethecase
[Sat Sep 02 17:49:11 2017] [error] [client 82.132.212.146]anywaygoodnight
[Sat Sep 02 18:01:54 2017] [error] [client 82.132.212.146]btwseveralpplwhousedtoliveinamsterdamsaidhadchangedalotandwasnowmuchbusier-
butno
[Sat Sep 02 18:05:46 2017] [error] [client 82.132.212.146]andheretheynowstopatzebras-didntusedtobethecase
[Sat Sep 02 18:14:56 2017] [error] [client 82.132.217.58]btwthethingsididwithjandt-thelies-ihadneverdonethatbeforewasangerandpnwerle
ssness
[Sat Sep 02 18:16:55 2017] [error] [client 82.132.217.58] dammit
[Sat Sep 02 18:49:29 2017] [error] [client 82.132.243.129]dammitbothofyou-iwouldlikeyouinmylife-and-knowingyourstorythebasicshassolve
dthepuzzleforme
[Sat Sep 02 19:03:01 2017] [error] [client 82.132.240.58]andyesiamoftenveryslowontheuptake-very
[Sat Sep 02 19:37:26 2017] [error] [client 82.132.240.58]uhohthirdsleeplessnightnonthewaylol
[Sat Sep 02 19:41:20 2017] [error] [client 82.132.228.12] dammit
[Sat Sep 02 19:44:17 2017] [error] [client 82.132.228.12]dammitdammitdammit
[Sat Sep 02 21:14:59 2017] [error] [client 82.132.221.100]lolbandplayingoncampsiteithoughtandignotintomyclothesliketheidiotiam-butwas
somewhereelsethaticouldntevengetto-butheybetterthanotherwayaround
[Sat Sep 02 21:56:43 2017] [error] [client 82.132.216.107]btw-willlookintoticketback
[Sat Sep 02 22:31:54 2017] [error] [client 82.132.216.107]tellthekidsiwillbeback
[Sun Sep 03 09:15:49 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78] callme-figurfou
[Sun Sep 03 09:16:55 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78]bvbatteryemptyokok
[Sun Sep 03 09:20:51 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78]phonebatteryemptyokokokok
[Sun Sep 03 09:25:27 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78]comingback-ifyouwantcomegetmeifyouwant-otherwisebus
[Sun Sep 03 09:26:34 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78] callme
[Sun Sep 03 09:27:50 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78] pls
[Sun Sep 03 09:44:26 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78]amcomingback-beenchannelingyouyourkids-
[Sun Sep 03 09:58:22 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78]amcomingback-amcomingback-amcomingback-amcomingback
[Sun Sep 03 10:03:08 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78]themiseryitalkedof-thescreamingthecrying-itsyours-ididntrealizethat-nowthat
iknowiamok-canhandleit
[Sun Sep 03 10:05:06 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78]areyoureadingthis
[Sun Sep 03 10:06:59 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78]amcomingback-amcomingback-amcomingback-amcomingback
[Sun Sep 03 10:10:11 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78]yeahihearthemusic-amianidiot-areyoureadingthis
[Sun Sep 03 10:13:30 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78]okmusiciscoincidence-lol
[Sun Sep 03 10:15:13 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.78]whatctweetedhelpedsomuch
[Sun Sep 03 10:20:32 2017] [error] [client 82.132.230.57]amchargingphonewilltakelongtime
[Sun Sep 03 10:21:29 2017] [error] [client 82.132.230.57]amchargingphonewilltakelongtime-run
[Sun Sep 03 10:27:05 2017] [error] [client 82.132.230.57]amchargingphonewilltakelongtime-thengodowntownseeificangetticket-butticketm
ayworkouttomorrowinpractice
[Sun Sep 03 10:28:19 2017] [error] [client 82.132.230.57]amchargingphonewilltakelongtime-thengodowntownseeificangetticket-butticketm
ayworkouttomorrowinpractice-isokokokok
[Sun Sep 03 10:31:36 2017] [error] [client 82.132.230.57]thanksforconfirmingthisisgettingthrough-thanks-amcomingback
[Sun Sep 03 10:36:48 2017] [error] [client 82.132.230.57]runningoutofwordsnow
[Sun Sep 03 10:38:57 2017] [error] [client 82.132.230.57]whereareyou-inukorhere
[Sun Sep 03 10:40:11 2017] [error] [client 82.132.230.57] doesntmatter
[Sun Sep 03 10:40:50 2017] [error] [client 82.132.230.57] iwill
[Sun Sep 03 10:45:12 2017] [error] [client 82.132.230.57] home
[Sun Sep 03 10:50:38 2017] [error] [client 82.132.226.44]amquietnowsophonecharges-coldinhere
[Sun Sep 03 11:11:42 2017] [error] [client 82.132.219.3]bothofyou-iwantyouinmylife-ehall
[Sun Sep 03 11:40:31 2017] [error] [client 82.132.235.55]welldoesmatterifyouarehereofcourse
[Sun Sep 03 11:42:51 2017] [error] [client 82.132.235.55]amonmywayintotown-ihopeiamnottoosmellylol
[Sun Sep 03 11:58:57 2017] [error] [client 82.132.224.34]ionlyfiguredoutthechannellingthingyesterday
[Sun Sep 03 14:14:29 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.97]ouch-citycenterpacked-kingincanalswim-metroprob-maynnotgettoduivendrecht
[Sun Sep 03 14:42:57 2017] [error] [client 82.132.186.11]willtryagaintomorrowpublictransportticketalreadyinvalidandofficemaybeclosed
bynow-hadfeelingearliertodaythatwouldbebetternottodotodaybutseemedsillytowa
it
[Sun Sep 03 14:45:34 2017] [error] [client 82.132.186.11]willheadbacktocampsitenowandhavefirstshower
[Sun Sep 03 15:16:32 2017] [error] [client 82.132.215.193]tturnsoutduivendrechtofficeopentilllate-butokaywillgototheofficethaticanwal
ktotomorrow
[Sun Sep 03 15:34:27 2017] [error] [client 82.132.216.244] havefaith
[Sun Sep 03 15:38:38 2017] [error] [client 82.132.216.244]andlolcozamdevelopingperfectwaytobereallysillyandinefficientandwearmyselfou
t-hilarious-bvhavefaith
[Sun Sep 03 15:40:36 2017] [error] [client 82.132.216.244]wishyouwerehere
[Sun Sep 03 15:41:34 2017] [error] [client 82.132.216.244] stillreadingq
[Sun Sep 03 16:33:25 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]whatimeantwasthatiamnowherenearasefficientasyou-ireallyamaklutzinmanywaysan
dnoidontlikethataboutmyselfwhenibehavelikeaheadlesschicken
[Sun Sep 03 16:37:39 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]iamcominghomedammit
[Sun Sep 03 16:39:54 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]iamcominghomeperiod
[Sun Sep 03 16:45:55 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]iamstandinghereonthecampsitecrying-ireallyoftenamaklutzandhavesomefaithissu
estoo-tellingmyselfthatsomethingcantpossiblybetrue
[Sun Sep 03 16:49:50 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]anywaywavesback
[Sun Sep 03 16:51:30 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]idontknowthelyricsbyheart
[Sun Sep 03 16:53:15 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]seeyouinafewdaysperiod
[Sun Sep 03 16:55:38 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]idontevenhavetoweldammit
[Sun Sep 03 17:01:49 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]istheonlythingthatstillmakessense-saysmumso
[Sun Sep 03 17:02:10 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]istheonlythingthatstillmakessense-saysmum-so
[Sun Sep 03 17:04:57 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200] leapoffaith
[Sun Sep 03 17:10:11 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]dammitithoughthhadatleastonetowellolandidontthinkitsinmyothercasecoznecessi
tiesinthisone
[Sun Sep 03 17:18:10 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]cplscallmebeforebatteryemptyagain
[Sun Sep 03 17:21:37 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]amdoneapologizingcoz-iunderstand-anditwouldbeendless-soacceptiamaklutz
[Sun Sep 03 17:24:11 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]dropthedrawbridgepls
[Sun Sep 03 17:27:17 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]idohavemyrunningclothesofcoursebutthoseicantusehere
[Sun Sep 03 17:30:12 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200] iknow
[Sun Sep 03 17:32:24 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]mumiscominghome-period
[Sun Sep 03 17:38:18 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]cozyouprobablythinkiamjustsayinthat
[Sun Sep 03 17:47:00 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]nok-ireallyreallylikedthewave
[Sun Sep 03 17:51:49 2017] [error] [client 82.132.225.200]amazingthatwave-butdontknowwhattomakeofsongihaveheardbefore-ishouldhaveexpl
ainedthat-solemmefocusonwave
[Sun Sep 03 18:01:10 2017] [error] [client 82.132.216.228]youarebothamazingandiamreallygratefulthatyouhaveeachother-andtherestiwouldl
iketosayinperson
[Sun Sep 03 18:55:13 2017] [error] [client 82.132.240.7]maybeyouarehearingmewrong-occurredtom
[Sun Sep 03 18:56:26 2017] [error] [client 82.132.240.7]maybeyouarehearingmewrong
[Sun Sep 03 18:57:56 2017] [error] [client 82.132.186.35] ohyeah
[Sun Sep 03 19:43:53 2017] [error] [client 82.132.237.116]mumiscominghome-andfornowsleepwell
[Mon Sep 04 06:35:11 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.82]goodmorning-ijusthadfirsthalfdecentnightsleepagaintada-andyouq
[Mon Sep 04 06:37:55 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.82]foundtwohandtowels-willdoforshower
[Mon Sep 04 06:40:19 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.82]findingbrushmaybenext-afterfoodandorecoffee
[Mon Sep 04 06:42:42 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.82]btwhavefoundoutwhatbirdsdoingrassinmorning
[Mon Sep 04 06:46:09 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.82]iusedtothinkinsects-no-tipsofgrass-makessense
[Mon Sep 04 06:51:49 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.82]cominghome-willyoubethereatbusterminalq-ifucanq
[Mon Sep 04 06:54:23 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.82]ha-hairisoklol-areyoustilllisteningbtw
[Mon Sep 04 07:03:27 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.82] asdafigsandnuts
[Mon Sep 04 07:08:29 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.82]haveyouever-yesofcourseyouhave-listenedto
[Mon Sep 04 07:11:13 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.82]tohowrelaxedornotvoicessound-tensiononcords
[Mon Sep 04 07:14:21 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.82]btw-iknowsomedaysnotsogoodforyou
[Mon Sep 04 07:15:29 2017] [error] [client 82.132.236.82]butothersperfect
[Mon Sep 04 07:35:11 2017] [error] [client 82.132.218.71]amgonnahaveshowersoonthenheadtoticketoffice
[Mon Sep 04 07:36:35 2017] [error] [client 82.132.218.71]wevealreadylastednineyears
She must have sobered up after this curious episode because I heard nothing until the 12th of October 2021 when this series of emails arrived over ten days or so:
"Do you have Asperger's? If yes, is this something that you would like to keep highly confidential and rather not reveal to the world at large? Asking for a friend..."
"Were you at the Carnegie Library a week or so ago while I was there too? If so, I noticed someone's focus on me while I walked out of the computer room but I was looking for some books and I generally avoid being in anyone's focus for no reason here in Portsmouth. And I doubt that I would still recognise you but then again, I might. I don't know. It probably depends on how you present yourself. If so, had you wanted to speak to me? If not, please ignore."
"Dear Mr Howard, I haven't heard back from you. Well, my life started turning into what some might consider the nightmare from hell within 24 hours after having met you at your workshop in June 2008. I don't know what your situation is but whatever it is, in my lay person's assessment, you need help and I don't think it's anything that I am able to supply. I am calling a halt to whatever it is that is going on. Period. Nothing will break me. Nothing. Told ya. You could of course kill me, but then you'd go to prison and you don't want that. Now be a good little boy and shoo. Because you're wasting your time."
"You lost. You already lost a long time ago. You can kill me physically, cause my death, but you can never break me. Go find yourself a good shrink, Steve. There's nothing I can do for you. Nothing."
"Please ignore my message sent last might. That was actually intended for someone called Danny! Not for you! My apologies."
"It was Danny who sent that message. Go figure!"
Blissful silence returned - at least on the email front - but folks posted me screenshots from time-to-time from which it was clear to see that she was still ranting on in her usual fashion. It was never going to be a case of 'if' she was going to send more insane emails but 'when'.
